I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
