So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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