yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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