Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
