she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
