Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My feet surprised me
Randomize
