he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
