So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
