Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
