I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
