I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
