Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
