Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
