I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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