i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
