i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can't special order awesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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