I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
