It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
