So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
