Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
