Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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