I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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