You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think my moral compass just broke
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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