member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
