The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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