Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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