Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
