so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
COCAINE IS GR8
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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