I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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