Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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