I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
