do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
