therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
