I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
