that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
