oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
