I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
