I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
