So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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