Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
