I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
whose parrot is this?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
