First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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