As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
