My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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