We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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