and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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