i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
