I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
