I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's blow job season.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
