We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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