i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
